Tolerable Suffering?

Bob Marley once said, “Truth is everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for”.

So in a group of friends and family last night we were discussing weighing the good and bad when deciding if it is worth it to get back together after a long separation. We discussed whether or not effort was put in during the separation to better each party separately. Like serious effort! Not one of those we separated so I can let my how flag fly lol. I mean serious self-reflection. Where does the fault of issues that led to the separation fall, who’s fault bucket weigh more? (Yes I said fault bucket lol)

I feel it’s human nature for significant others to blame one another when things fall apart. I mean how can you not be biased towards your own plight? It’s easy to break out the “You did this and that and this” sentences when the shit guys the fan!

You have to consider some of the wrongdoing is your fault! (Uh oh) I know you’re like Gigi what the hell I didn’t make my partner cheat, lie or even grow apart. That is all very true but you have to consider you allowed it to happen! You either lost interest or became too complacent or predictable or even to accepting of wrongdoing!

So let’s say you both say ok this tragic ended we’ve separated and now we’re both feeling like if we can do this thing one more time but the right way! Yay, the crowd roars!!! But keep in mind the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result -Albert Einstein. You need to evaluate together and separately these 8 questions!

  1. Is the bond or foundation of this relationship with fighting for?
  2. Can I let go of the past to rebuild the plan for a future?
  3. Have I truly and unbiasedly evaluated my role in the demise of the relationship?
  4. Has the other party evaluated their role in the same honest and totally unbiased manner as I have?
  5. Have we discussed how we are going to strategically manoeuver through another issue should it arise in the future?
  6. Can the trust be re-established?
  7. Am I doing this out of love or fear the unknown?
  8. Lastly, what is the endgame?
  • I feel if you can answer those questions openly and wholeheartedly then yes I feel you have a fighting chance to rebuild for the future. Let me know what you think!
  • And always remember!

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” –  Maya Angelou

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    Am I getting screwed? Or am I screwing myself?

    When does making accusations against your significant other go too far? First you must evaluate! Does one feel the need to slander the other party because of self-projection of their own skeletons? Or is there brick solid evidence against the other party to make someone feel that they’re certain in their sentencing. Or is it insecurity issues from a past relationship? These questions are at least the bare minimum an accuser should ask themselves before bringing forth charges. Especially when it comes to CHEATING!!! If cheating is the charge you (in my opinion) should be very careful of how you proceed in accusative behavior.

    The emotional damage being done to your partner (if they’re truly innocent) can destroy even the most solid relationship. There is no worse feeling then knowing the truth and it not setting you free. Cheating is by far one of the most sensitive of relationship accusations that should not be made without proof! What would you do in this situation? Would you fight for your innocence or walk away? Depending on the degree and how far you go to state your case🤔 I feel it lies in the heart if you love the person you’ll fight but not everyone feels the same way!

    Also character has a big thing to do with making an accusation you should know the person’s character, before accusing ask yourself! Is this something they would do? Is this out of their character? Is this something that is against their morals? Is it something they’ve done in the past? Is it something that they glorify or make excuses for? Am I guilty of the same thing I’m accusing them of and my conscience is fueling my mistrust? Allow yourself to play devil’s advocate before you make your final decision.

    And always remember!

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” –  Maya Angelou

    Quality time or doing time?

    OK so at what point does quality time become doing time? How do you know if your smothering your significant other and how do you gauge what is to much or not enough. I mean think about it. On one hand when your in a relationship (especially a new relationship) you want to spend every waking moment with them it’s been so lovingly called the “Cupcake Phase” but what if your over doing it.

    Communication is key for both parties. I mean seriously who’d continue to talk to a brick wall (not this chick) but I’m quite sure if the convo is flowing and communication is kept up by both parties the quality time won’t be an issue. What if the relationship has surpassed the “Cupcake Phase” the quality time can become too routine, complacent, or even as extreme as making someone feel trapped so it is always important to continue your original lifestyle outside of your relationship (with a few adjustments in regard to being in a relationship of course.) It will help to keep the I miss my boo thang element in your relationship.

    So always evaluate in either “Cupcake Phase” or the “Surpassed Cupcake Phase” has your quality time become doing time?

    And always remember!

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” –  Maya Angelou

    Co-parenting 🤔

    Now for one I am a daughter of a single parent I now am the mother of a beautiful set of twins. I have seen a lot of different family dynamics over the course of my 32 years on this planet. I’ve seen healthy happy marriages, I’ve seen bitter unhappy broken homes and anywhere in between. Now that I’m a mom I see the inside of parenting so clearly but there’s something in particular that sort of strikes a nerve with me! Where do you draw the line of doing for your child and doing for your ex?

    Now I know for some this a tricky and some what of a touchy subject especially from the males perspective. Where do you draw the line? I mean should gifts be exchanged between the parents (Birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s Day etc…)? Also should holidays be shared as if a home isn’t divided? If so what is the protocol if these parents now have significant others? What sort of guidelines or boundaries should be set? What expectations should the parents set for their children? Without causing detrimental harm to their children’s support system.

    I would really like to know what you think???

    And always remember!

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” –  Maya Angelou

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