Now a lot of people are going to read this and think hey this makes sense. Some people may read this and totally disagree, I want my apology or my closure. Either way at some point in our victimization we have to accept personal responsibility for allowing an individual to victimize us in the first place. After all we’re responsible for how we allow others to treat us.
First you have to come to the realization that “We teach people how to treat us!” Think about it, this makes a lot of sense. People can do no more than we allow them to do. Sometimes our soft nature or heart being worn on our sleeve can be the worst weapon in the initiation of our own demise. It is 2021 we have to come to an agreement with ourselves that if we allow it to not only happen it’s going to go as far as we let it. Which means to me if I allow you to become a part of my life (which is a privilege not a prerequisite) whether it be a big part or a small part that decision is on me. Whether I agree to accept the treatment the other party gives that is on me. I can either accept what some people call the VIP treatment or I can accept what some call being treated like a bald head step child lol.
Either way as the victim if you’ve been victimized it’s up to you what and how much you allow. If you’ve been hurt by a family member, friend, a significant other or an acquaintance you do have that emotional right to feel hurt. We are human beings we have emotions but at what point do we say ok this is enough. I need to go ahead and accept the fact that this situation has happened! It can go one of two ways; I can wait around on an apology/closure and I can allow what the other person has done to affect me to the point where he stops my life. Or I can recognize what’s done is done and it will not continue with this toxic interaction. I can take this as a learning experience for future interactions and learn to avoid this toxic behavior in the future. Do not allow someone’s disrespect and inconsideration of your feelings affect your life as well as how you see yourself. Especially when that person is no longer around whether you cut them off or they cut themselves off. They’re still controlling you!
I’ve heard that it takes a third of the amount of time that you know someone to get over a disappointment they caused. I think disappointment can be grieved in a lesser amount of time speaking from experience. You can be your own worst enemy, don’t live in your feelings, don’t live in your head. Accept the fact that you allowed something to happen and you allowed it to affect you then take that learning experience and move on but when you move on take with you that knowledge knowing what to look for.
Red flags are signs, signs are red flags! I’m going to say it one more time, red flags are signs and signs are red flags! Stop swallowing red flags, stop blinking over red flags, stop saying nah that ain’t red it’s orange to red flags! Also please don’t assume red flags only come in relationships with a significant other. They can come in any type of interaction with another individual. They can be a coworker, a family member, a so-called friend/acquaintance, a business partner, a person that you receive from or offer a service to. It doesn’t matter, red flags can come in any way, shape or form so stop ignoring them!
Don’t wait until you’re in your late 30s to deal with how you see yourself and how others see you. Again speaking from experience. Chances are they only did what they did for 3 reasons. 1.They saw an insecurity you had within yourself, which they took as a green light to go full narcissist on you. 2.You saw the red flag and kept on driving. 3. They’re really self-projecting self hatred, insecurity and unworked through emotional trauma.
In my opinion if you accept the personal responsibility, accept not receiving the apology/closure you come to the conclusion that a lot of times you think you needed something you really didn’t. There are a lot of times you actually received that oh so obsessed over apology/closure and still feel like crap. You want to know why? You allowed them to degrade you or hurt you or victimize you to the point where an apology and closure does nothing but pour salt on an open wound. You end up feeling like how dare you apologize to me after all you have done? If you have enough common sense to apologize you had enough common sense not to do it in the first place! So just do the emotional work yourself. Start with self-forgiveness, you’ve learned you’re in full control of how you are valued and to no longer speed pass red flags.
In any interaction try this, when you first meet someone give them emotional rope. They have two ways using that rope, they can either batten down the hatches of the relationship or they can hang themselves.
Thought and Unsaid by Gigi Le Fleur 